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Anorak | Civil War

Civil War

by | 17th, February 2007

mail.jpgEVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t think any up, it looks at the latest scientific research.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…

TUESDAY

“Time of the month can be a sprain as well as a pain” – Dr Stephen Sandler says the female ‘time of the month’ could coincide with more injuries as bones grow brittle

“Can a marriage in which the woman earns more than the man ever be happy?” – Asks Lauren Booth, half-sister to the very well paid Cherie Blair

“50pc in debt before they hit 17” – In debt to their drugs dealers, right?

“LOST ART OF LOVE. Vulgar cards, over-priced, tacky gifts and crudely named cocktails. Is commercial vulgarity destroying not only Valentine’s Day…but romance itself?” – Kiss Me Quick And Love Me Slow, as the words on the saucy Fifties postcards go…

“Baby girl killed by surgical blunder”

The Numbers:
10,000 – Number of men who die from prostate cancer each year in the UK

“Forget cannabis and heroin. Thousands of utterly respectable Britons are in the grip of an insidious and deadly drug addiction – to everyday painkillers such as Nurofen. Here, one victim tells his terrifying story… THE SILENT ADDICTION”

“For six years, I thought I was fatally ill – yet I was totally healthy. So don’t tell me hypochondria is just a joke” – Told you I was ill

“To the NHS, anyone over 60 is invisible”

“When they said I had cancer, I almost fainted. I came out in a cold sweat and thought: I’m going to die” – LimDem leader Ming Campbell on his lymphoma

“Teenagers are flocking to a new breed of unmanned sun-tan salons. As this special investigation reveals, the cost to their health could be devastating – THE COIN-SLOT DANGER ROOMS”

WEDNESDAY

“BERTRAY OF A GENERATION – Devastating UNICEF report blames family breakdown for giving British children the worst quality of life in the affluent West” – We’re number 21!

“Why we motorists have had enough – Road taxes that aren’t spent on roads. Public transport a disgrace. Politicians who are prats. One driver on why he signed the road-pricing petition” – Martin Newland’s road rage

“The disability drain. Soaring number of claimants is blighting our economy’” – The disabled swines!

THURSDAY

“Oh for the 70s, when REAL men rules and political correctness was unknown. And as for the women…” – Bring back the three day week, rampant racism, unchecked police thuggery and Rainbow

FRIDAY

“WAR ZONE UK. To his gang he was a ‘fallen soldier’: 15-year-old Billy Cox is the third teenager in 11 days to be shot dead in a drugs and gun war reducing South London to nihilistic anarchy” – That small, very poor, high-rise bit of South London

“Switch from being Catholic to CofE? It’d be like swopping my old gaspers for Silk Cut mild” – Tom Utley on his religion

“Tea-tree oils ‘could trigger superbug’” – Low doses of tea-tree oil in beauty products could make MRSA and E.coli bugs more resistant to antibiotics



Posted: 17th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink