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Anorak | Bob Woolmer Murder: Told You I Was Ill

Bob Woolmer Murder: Told You I Was Ill

by | 2nd, June 2007

bob-woolmer.jpg BOB Woolmer was murdered.

Woolmer was killed by an ancient poison called anconite. He was killed by al-Qaeda, the Mafia, a deranged fan, a member of the Pakistan team, snake venom and a poisoned drink. Bob Woolmer was William Wallace in whites, hung, drawn, quartered and scattered to the winds.

Woolmer was the victim of a game of Corridor Cricket , in which an unnamed batsman did strike with deadly force the stale bread roll ball hurled down the corridor at the Pegasus Hotel, Jamaica, by an unnamed bowler. It was Woolmer’s lot to open his bedroom door as the missile was hit for “six” and the cry “Heads!” went up.

But now we learn via the Mail’s front page that Bob Woolmer was not killed. As the headline screams: IT WASN’T MURDER .”

It now seems that the Pakistan cricket coach was not in the best of health at the time of his death. Such is the strength of the detective work in Jamaica that next week the world will learn that at the time of his death Woolmer was not feeling all that well.

Beneath a picture of Bob Woolmer, the Mail offers the caption: “Bob Woolmer: He was not a well man.”

As the Mail reminds us, “the 58-year- old former England batsman was found dead on March 18 in his suite at the Pegasus Hotel

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