100-Year-Old Beatrice Langley Gets Her Five-A-Day

CONGRATULATIONS to Beatrice Langley on reaching her 100th birthday.

The Mirror shows the Croydonian centurion lighting a fag from one of the candles on her birthday cake. The paper informs us that Beatrice started smoking at the age of seven and averages five a day.

Five a day, as you will know, is the government-recommended number of fruit portions that we are supposed to consume each day. Perhaps five cigarettes is the way to go.

The only caveat is that Beatrice says she doesn’t inhale.

That phrase is of course synonymous with fibbing politicians, although in Beatrice’s case we are prepared to believe her.

She must surely have been tempted to inhale once or twice during her 170,000-odd smokes, but perhaps she is made of sterner stuff than her contemporaries like Old Mr Anorak, who also started on the baccy at a tender age.

These days he is also addicted to morphine (for his stomach), crack (for his nerves) and crystal meth (for his ADD). None of this has affected his ability to smoke eighty Navy Cut a day.

Beatrice says she has no plans to quit.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, August 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink