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Britney Spears’ Tum Deal At MTV Awards

by | 11th, September 2007

spears_l.jpgBRITNEY Spears has always depended on the kindness of strangers. Or stringers, given that since giving full throat to the pleasures of domestic violence, Britney has existed only in the media.

But remaining in the limelight is no easy thing. To do so Britney needs a new talent.

If music is no longer her thing, much less dancing, she needs to: be available and knickerless (check), have children (check), juggle her life with her children, literally (check), do something with her hair, such as put it in a paper bag (check), go into rehab (check).

Having trod fame’s stepping stones, Spears’ options are dwindling. She can now either a) date Pete Doherty (possibly meeting him in rehab); b) become a UN goodwill ambassador; c) adopt a child; d) go to prison; or d) put on weight.
As the Sun shows on its front page, Spears has opted for ‘d’.

In “Brit is the Pits” the paper looks on a Spears appears at the MTV Awards in Las Vegas.
We already know that Spears cannot dance or sing all that well, points she was keen to confirm to an audience of millions.

She is pictured stumbling into a man who is gazing at her tummy.

In the Star, which has two pages dedicated to Spears’ uselessness, another dancer is placing a hand over the former singer/dancer’s midriff in the manner of an expectant father.

But Britney is not pregnant, news in itself. This is just “BRITNEY’S TUM-BACK” (Mirror). The paper talks of “flab”. The Mail sees a “paunch” and weight on her hips.

Success for Britney. She can now balloon to massive dimensions. And then, as is the way of such things, she will lose the weight in a TV spectacular.

The press will then be free to talk about Spears’s yo-yoing weight and create news as she eats a lump of fat or doesn’t…



Posted: 11th, September 2007 | In: Celebrities Comments (19) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink