Britain Inhales The Smell Of France

YOU wait. That’s what you do. One day the bell rings. The Mail writer presses the button and tells the world: “Le Stink: England engulfed by terrible smell as freak weather blows in French stench.”

Says the Mail: “A foul smell enveloped London and the south east today but it has been blamed on a cloud of pungent fumes wafting over from France.”

That’s right. That stink is not from we clean British, nor even immigrants and their horses, rather a product of Frenchmen, they who put the fume and perfume.

Experts are warning that we must not panic.

Says the Mail: “Even Her Majesty was not immune as the smell lingered over her castle in Windsor and its many foreign visitors.”

Of course, Her Majesty may be used to it, what with her uncle the Duke and his Duchess of Windsor living in exile in France for some years. And what memories the odour evoked, we can only imagine.

Says a spokesman at Windsor’s tourist office: “When I left home this morning the smell was virtually unbearable but we haven’t had any complaints from anyone so far. I think the Queen is in. I hope she has her windows closed.”

A spokesman for Hart District Council, in Fleet, Hampshire, tells us: “One woman’s little girl asked: ‘Mummy, what’s that smell of cows?’”

Continuing: “Only thing I can think of is a sewer main broke or something? It does smell specifically of dog poo, but I don’t know of any canine who could spread his stench this far and wide!”

Au contraire. As visitors to Paris know, that is the smell of victory, onion soup and a nippy little Sancerre…

Anorak

Posted: 18th, April 2008 | In: Tabloids Comments (13) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink