Metric Martyr Blows Up In the Marketplace

WITH the original Metric Martyr Step Thorburn pushing up carrots, there exists a gap in the tabloids for new hero of pounds and ounces of vegetative flesh.

Shuffle up and show us what’s in your basket Northumberland landowner, James Cookson.

Cookson leaves fruit and veg at the end of driveway, alongside an “honesty box”. He claims to take between £5 and £10 a week selling vegetables that would otherwise have gone to waste.

And into the honesty box falls a message from Officials from Northumberland County Council which reminds one and all that the veg must be sold by metric weight, following EU rules. There are an additional four pages of guidance.

Says he:

“They appear to be saying we should be selling parsnips by the kilo rather than just pricing them individually. I have got better things to kick up a fuss about, but it just tickles my sense of humour that someone has bothered to write an official letter about something like this.”

Has Mr Cookson got anything better to do than tell the tabloid Telegraph of his issue? And what better use to time is there than to strap a row of radishes to one’s chest and while stood in a crowded market place scream:

“Radishes: two pound a pund, come and get, if you dare” in English, French and Esperanto?

Mr Cookson goes on:

“It is not a business, just a way of offering vegetables to others and preventing them going to waste. The vegetables are bought by people going to and from the local pub.”

That’s right. One the way to the pub people stop off for some turnips. It’s the kind of bucolic scene we thought had already been eradicated from Blighty.

Anorak hears the plight of these martyrs, who champion imperialism and all its scales in the face of federalism based on the premise that Napoleon had ten fingers.

Half a yard, half a yard, half a yard, onwards!

Metric Martyrs are not 182.88 centimetres under ground. And never will be!

Anorak

Posted: 7th, December 2008 | In: Money Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink