Justin Bieber To Star In Dirty Dancing Remake?
WOMEN! You like Dirty Dancing don’t you? Of course you do! It’s got love and dancing in it! It’s got Patrick Swayze’s muscles in when they were alive! It’s got Jennifer Grey in it before she completely transformed her face by making her nose vanish with plastic surgery! It’s got that song in it! AND THE LIFT! THE BIT WITH THE LIFT!
Oh, it’s so romantic and junk!
So which vapid, apple pie dross are going to star in the remake of the classic I’m On My Period And Want To Be Left Alone, Thanks film?
Well, there’s a lot of rumours about who will be taking lead roles. Miley Cyrus has been mentioned for ‘Baby’, but she’s a bit tattooed these days and prefers doing covers of Smells Like Teen Spirit at her gigs (seriously). Hot contender is Glee’s Lea Michele, who is more wholesome than a bucket of giggling chipmunks.
As she’ll be ‘graduating’ from Glee, she’s a good bet, if you’re the kind of person stupid enough to bet on the goings on of a casting couch.
Derek Hough (Cheryl Cole’s possibly homosexual chum) is rumoured to be lined up for Patrick Swayze’s role as Johnny Castle.
However, here’s the outside bet. We suspect that the lead roles will go to Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, who are both waddling piggy banks, and we all know how much movie studios like a banker.
The movie will hit the screens in 2013, by which time you will have forgotten about our brilliant prediction and Justin Bieber will be old enough to go to the toilet and wipe his bum on his own.