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Anorak | Cheryl Cole’s Fights War On Terror With Mushrooms: Nation’s Sweetheart Does Afghanistan

Cheryl Cole’s Fights War On Terror With Mushrooms: Nation’s Sweetheart Does Afghanistan

by | 16th, September 2011

CHERYL Cole is in Afghanistan. She’s fighting the Taliban the only way she knows how: by posing for photos, smiling widely and blowing up an effigy of Simon Cowell on the cover of the Daily Mirror.

Inside and fallen nation’s sweetheart Cheryl is pouring bottled water into a dog’s mouth. Says Martin Fricker:

And black labrador Ammo wasn’t the only one lapping up the star’s attention – as her morale-boosting trip went with a bang. In a cheeky stunt organised by Army explosive experts, the Girls Aloud singer got to blow up a dummy of Simon Cowell.

Cheeky suff, indeed. Odd that Cowell’s face is black and his hair yellow. But the Mirror knows it’s Cowell.

Chezza is in Camp Bastion in “hostile Helmand“. She’s there to record a segment for the Mirror’s Pride Of Britain awards, a mawkish celebration of quivering upper lips in which the good are patronised by the worthy celebrity elite on the telly. Once the country;s best, the ones who carry the essence of strong back bone and the British spirit were happy to remain out of the limelight. Now they are invited to meet a star and try to win a gong sponsored by a piss poor morning TV show with ad breaks:

Daybreak Emergency Services
To recognise a member or members of the police, fire, ambulance, coastguard, mountain and sea rescue services who have gone beyond the call of duty.

Says Fricker:

“Like any good soldier, she started the day with a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms and baked beans in the main mess hall… One delighted soldier beamed: “We were amazed that she was happy to muck in and have a decent feed.”

What is Cheryl if not amazing?

He added: “She’s a proper Northern lass who likes her grub.”

Cheryl is a member of one of the only institutions that still command respect: celebrities. She also commands authority and can assure us:

“I was astonished at the way they put their lives on their line. They are literally lying in the dirt using their hands to feel for bombs. They really are the bravest of the brave.”

Never mind the questions on the country’s moral status in fighting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. The true war is a cultural one: do you cheer for Cheryl and see her doing good or do you sneer and notice how the war on terror is now a backdrop for a vain pop singer who wants to be liked?

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink