X Factor: Anonymous Dubai Businessman Finds Kitty Brucknell Shaggable
The Daily Star leads with the news that “X FACTOR wild child Kitty Brucknell has been offered £300,000 to give a sizzling private show“.
One “intimate” show for £300,000. That’s not too shabby.
The fan says he will provide transport and for her to “bring her sexiest costumes”.
The Star says this is a “naughty proposal“.
Might it be that this fan wants Brunkell to perform not as herself but as one of her alter egos – Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Xtina Aguilera – and then shag him in character?
The offer was made, apparently, through the agency that has represented Brucknell. The problem is that X Factor artistes are all under contract to Simon Cowell. He owns them. Even after they are booted off the show, they are bound by an 80-page contract to Cowell’s label for up to three months.
Still, the Daily Star ploughs on:
Her agent Gene Daily said he has been flooded with requests from wealthy clients to book the quirky wannabe for private shows.
But surely she can’t agree to any of them because Kitty is under contract with Cowell?
And then you get this bit of nonsense:
Boss of London’s Top Lookalikes agency Gene, who has worked with the aspiring diva for five years, said: “Kitty is worried that she isn’t popular in the UK. But judging by the big- money offers I am fielding she has absolutely nothing to worry about. The phone has been ringing off the hook by people absolutely desperate to have her perform for them.”
Desparate’s the word.
Gene added: “Unfortunately I have had to turn down all the big-money offers because I would never compromise Kitty’s chances to do well on X Factor.”
But Kitty couldn’t agree to these big-money offers even if Gene agreed, right?
Of course, the purpose of the story is to tell the punters that Brucknell is both shaggable and talented – even if the would-be shagger is an anonymous man who lives in a racist sand-encrusted hellhole miles from reality…