Staffordshire children taught to write the perfect suicide note
“I want you to remember the fun times and the happy times, at my funeral make everyone were [sic] bright colours to remember my personality. I know I have been a pain at the best of times but I’m with Nan and Grandad now so I love you and goodbye….Please be strong for me.”
It’s trite stuff. The death bed note should say: a) where the treasure is hidden; b) the name of your children’s real mother / father; c) “Romulans”; d) “My last wish is for a kiss from Sarah Ferguson.” More likely, given the pain-relieving drugs, the last note reads “fbposphsos opghj 7kfffp”.
Still, the lad is learning and with effort he’ll get there. He has time. But his mum’s unhappy. Mum Vicky says:
“He handed it to me one evening and then just went upstairs to bed. I really felt like I was going to find him hanging from his bed and maybe he felt he couldn’t take any more. I spoke to him and he said it was something they were asked to do at school, I felt it to be really sick. I just don’t think schools should be asking children to write things like this especially when it can be seen as a suicide note, I don’t agree with it.”
It’s ridiculous, of course. What teenager would write a note? You’re lying on your death bed and you can find a working pen? You can’t find one of those things ever when you’re fully active…