Alan Shearer ghostwrites Mario Balotelli’s autobiography
WHEN Alan Shearer stops being “Alan Shearer” on the telly, he’ll pick up the pen and be “Alan Shearer” the writer. As Alan Shearer says, “You couldn’t have wrote that script.” Last night, Alan Shearer creased his forehead like man sitting on an orange cone with a vacuum-packed brow, and transmitted a thought to the watching millions:
“Balotelli hasn’t achieved anything in his career yet.”
This was no small matter. Shearer wroter of such phrases as “You can see what it means to him — and rightly so” and “They need to win tonight”, who told us when manager of Newcastle United, “It’s what’s in the dressing room that’s got us relegated” (what was it? A giant spider in the bath? A stray turd? Answers on a postcard), had cut through Balotelli’s medals for winning Serie A (2007-08, 2008-09, 2009-10), the Coppa Italia (2009-10), the Supercoppa Italiana (2008) the UEFA Champions League (2009-10), the Premier League (2011-12) and the FA Cup (2010-11), to focus on what defining what we mean by achieving.
Forget the pre-match research. Alan wants to aks the big questions. What do we mean when we say “disappointed with that”, and what is “that”?