Do not adjust your brains: Van Damme talks about his affair with Kylie
SOMETIMES a headline alludes to something, only to avoid delivering. ‘CHERYL COLE’S ENJOYS THREE IN A BED PUSSYFEST’ could well be about a picture she’s tweeted of herself, in bed with two farting felines. Well, this headline is giving it to you straight. Jean Claude Van Damme is saying that he’s had sex with Kylie Minogue. Over to JCVD:
“Yes. OK. Yes, yes, yes. It happened. I was in Thailand, we had an affair. Sweet kiss, beautiful lovemaking. I would have been abnormal not to have had an affair, she’s so beautiful and she was there in front of me every day with a beautiful smile, simpatico, so charming.
“She wasn’t acting like a big star. I know Thailand very well, so I showed her my Thailand. She’s a great lady.”
The Belgian wooed Kylie while they were filming the awful Street Fighter flick, apparently. Just picture that. Get a good look at it with your mind’s eye.
Jean Claude Van Damme, bearing down on little Kylie Minogue. Grunting. Sweating like a pig in a butchers. Sinewy hands all over that famous arse. It probably looked like a Hieronymus Bosch painting.
He’s not done with the bold claims either. Making his comeback in The Expendables 2, he talks himself and Sly Stallone up.
“The fans, they want to see Muhammad Ali against Frasier. Hand to hand combat. So I said to Stallone, ‘we’re two gladiators! I have to kick the shit out of you, and then you kick the shit out of me.’ And I think people will love it.”
Still, at least he’s not completely mad. Continuing to open and close his mouth with all the words tumbling out, he recalled the bad career decisions he made, including turning down a $12 million three-movie deal after the box office success of Timecop because he wanted $20 million “like Jim Carrey“.
“I was fucked up, man, But you know, it was not about the money. The people in the UK will read this and go, ‘what a fucking piglet.’ Sorry for my expression! I was making movie after movie, and in between movies I was doing promotion. I was tired. Everything I was touching was making money. Jim Carrey was making a fortune. And I wanted to play with the system. Like an idiot. Ridiculous.”
Jean Claude Van Damme there. Star of beer adverts.