Avril Lavigne is getting married to Nickelback’s singer, which isn’t weird
CANADA is not known for a terrific musical output (Neil Young and Joni Mitchell aside). They gave us The Crash Test Dummies, Justin Bieber, Celine Dion, Shania Twain, the awful Arcade Fire, Barenaked Ladies and more. Someone needs to be culpable for all this dreck.
However, two of the worst to emerge from Canadian shores are getting married in a wedding that can only be described as a taste-hole.
Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger are going to tie the knot.
Just imagine that. Just imagine the moment when Avril lifts up her black veil (how alternative!) and looks at Chad’s increasingly long face with a tear in her eye, ready to say ‘I do.’ And Chad will look back at her, gaze at the congregation and think ‘normally, when a crowd gathers around me, they’re booing and throwing bottles of urine at me. This is wonderful’.
Then, the pair will kiss, throw up devil horns and skateboard down the aisle to the strains of Starship’s ‘Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now’, where they’ll plan their quickie divorce while phoning their respective agents. All the while, in the back of their minds, they’ll hope that this stunt will generate enough publicity to revive opinion on them, coupled with a notion that they’re just as bad as Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.
But first, we must jump through media hoops. “A romantic relationship blossomed as they spent time writing together,” a Lavigne pal told PEOPLE. Then, apparently, Kroeger popped the question and gave Lavigne with a 14-carat diamond ring.
“He makes her so happy,” a family source tells PEOPLE. “Both of their families could not be more excited.”
Kroeger, unsurprisingly, has never been down the aisle before, but Avril is well versed in wedding cake as she got married to Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley (say that name out loud – he sounds less like a punk and more like the kind of man you’d hear about on the news for appearing pantless near female truck-drivers).
Anyway, play along nicely. Coo and be thrilled before being let down that this was all a sham.