Army of Nazi raccoons defeat Germany
AMERICA are once again staking a claim of winning WWII, this time, with an army of raccoons. You heard right. The bushy tailed north American invaders were freed in the wild on the orders of Luftwaffe chief Hermann Goering, and now, they’re breaking into the houses of Germany seeking shelter and food from a cold snap.
This has left Germans complaining about their nice furniture being ripped up as these American invaders decided to turn them into cosy nests, and sadly for the couch-havers, the German Hunting Federation said the raccoons will never be ousted.
“The raccoon is firmly established in Germany, this has to be accepted,” said spokesman Daniel Hoffman.
Finding it hard to accept were the couple who came back from holiday and found that Nazi raccoons had climbed down their chimney and eaten all the food in their cupboards in Spessart, Hesse. And over in Kaiserslautern, a Nazi raccoon had frightened a cat, burst through its cat flap and swiped all its cat biscuits.
And the ghost of Goering watches over all this, thinking of the time he ordered the release of a breeding pair of raccoons when he was the Third Reich’s chief forester in 1934, in an attempt to give hunters something to shoot.
Sadly for the Third Reich, they weren’t smart enough to kill the bandit-masked rascals and now they thrive in their millions in Germany, causing havoc in the cold.