Masturbator tells police squad ‘I’m nearly done’
THERE is nothing worse than someone or something interrupting a nice bout of onanism. There you are, trashing away with a very clear picture of Claire Huxtable in your mind (THE most beautiful woman who ever lived and there’ll be no argument on that) and suddenly, you find someone ringing your doorbell or someone threatening to arrest you.
And the latter is exactly what one chap faced when he had his kecks down in a Seattle alleyway. Naturally, this spirited yanker decided he’d had enough and flatly told the police, irritated, that he was “almost finished”.
Alas, this wasn’t an innocent jerk-off because this fella is a repeat sex offender. He’s been indecently exposing himself to other humans. Everyone knows that, if you’re going to expose yourself, you should do it decently. Like in a newspaper or in a Hollywood movie. You can’t just go around getting your thangs out indecently.
Anyway, this mucky pup was found sitting on a staircase in an alley with his trousers down, in what the police refer to as “the throes of self-flagellation”, which is delightfully poetic.
What perhaps made things worse for the exposer, is that the police had been notified earlier in the day, that the suspect had been charging around the neighbourhood yelling at people and grabbing them.
If he’d shut up, he probably would’ve been able to have a nice, quiet wank on some stairs, with the Seattle breeze on his barse.
Still, not as bad as the woman on American news who fellated a turkey toy. No. Seriously. Christ, America’s perverted isn’t it?