Britain is now fattest nation in Western Europe: MPs go for the fat vote
WE win! Britain is now the most prosperous nation on Earth. How can we tell? Because as any fan of Dickens knows, prosperous equates to fat. And we are FAT. The OECD research says we are FATTER than the French, the Italians and even the Germans.
If a world food shortage struck now, Britons would be the last humans on Earth. Our fat reserves would save humanity. Reassuring new for those of us wary of the Belgian threat.
Thank you The Fat Controller, Eric Pickles, Eamonn Holmes, Eddie Large, Pauline Quirk, Sarah Ferguson and Heather from EastEnders.
But wait a moment. It turns out that the American are in a league on their own. The World Series of Baseball Gridiron Fat Bowl of Fat has been won by the Yankees. We British are only the second fattest nation on Earth’s rich parts. We are the fattest nation in Western Europe. And for our failure we must blame the miserable residents of South Kensington and Ryvita.
But Britain is getting fatter. High time, then, for political parties to stop electing leaders who look like boys and teachers’ pets and go for the fat vote. Says one leading Labour MP: “For years I’ve been pushing my fat into breasts and passing myself off as one of Blair’s Babes. My real name is Lionel Joneshome-Hackman. And I’m fat.”
FACTOID: the girth of Britons is correlated to the width of TVs and plasma screens!