Findus dishes up horses for courses
FINDUS beef lasagne contains up to 100% horse meat. No artificial meats. Just trusty horse meat. No consumer complained about it not tasting like cow. No-one died. No-one fell ill. The horse lasagna sold as well as before. But then that consumer apathy may be rooted in the animal painkillers injected injected into those Nag Burgers.
Findus says it is “Good
lads food made Findusly Simple”:
For over 50 years, Findus has stood as one of Britain’s best loved names in food. Using only the best ingredients and a generous pinch of imagination in our recipes, we’ll help you prepare great tasting and effortlessly good food straight from your freezer
A new TV adverts will show Mr Findus sat on the stoop telling consumers, “You’ll Find Us on the steep side of Becher’s Brook.”
That generous pinch of imagination means the trusty name in British food is sourced in French food supplier Comigel (pronounced: Come on Girl!).
Now that the lasagna is found to contain less beef than the cast of Loose Women, we should ponder those other Findus meals:
Macaroni Cheese – actual name: Macaroni Sneeze: made with macaroni pasta coated in a the contents of equine nostrils and crunchy Cheddar & Red Leicester cheese crumble topping
Crispy Pancakes: Roadkill with massacreapony filling
Chilli Beef Wraps: Chill Beef Craps
Next week Captain Birdseye asks: “If a horse can swim, can it be called a fish?”