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Crocodile spotted in River Thames

by | 22nd, February 2013

AGAIN, we find ourselves looking at a world where animals are slowing taking over Earth, presumably so they can enslave us and eventually start wearing us as coats and turning our beautiful flesh into tinned meat.

The latest scare story from the world of nature is that a cyclist has claimed to have seen a crocodile in the River Thames. A horrible, non-blinking, tearless tooth-machine, ready to gnaw at your bonce and swallow your children.

Richard Smith told the Reading Post:

“I was cycling on my own and I saw what I thought was a bough of a tree with four stubby branches on it close to the bank.”

So far, so fine.

“As I got closer I saw it was a crocodile. It was about 4ft long. It had a 2ft tail and 2ft body. I got off my bike and ran back to where it was, but it had gone. I ran along the river for about 50 yards, but it wasn’t there any more.”

This isn’t the first time Smith has seen this foul beast, originally seeing it in June, but decided to go public with his statement after a tackle shop worker also mentioned a crocodile sighting.

He added:

“The man in the shop said he was on the bank of the Thames near Tilehurst station and he saw a fully grown swan pulled down into the water and it totally disappeared.”

It is worth pointing out that Smith is 64 years old, so could be a very bored retiree who has gone completely mental. For legal reasons, we’ll point out that he isn’t at all insane.

Reptile expert Shaun Foggett, director of Crocodiles of the World in Witney, said crocodiles and alligators would struggle to survive an English winter… or indeed, the sheer volume of pollution and faeces in that dirty ol’ river.

UNLESS THEY’VE ALREADY STARTING MAKING COATS OUT OF US HUMANS AND SNORKELS OUT OF INFANTS’ BONES!



Posted: 22nd, February 2013 | In: Reviews Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink