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Anorak | For Sale: Barbecue Helps Man Bed Scarlett Johanssen On The Back Of A Unicorn

For Sale: Barbecue Helps Man Bed Scarlett Johanssen On The Back Of A Unicorn

by | 2nd, January 2014

BARBECUE Advert of The Year: The Enchanted burner:

haunted bar b cue 1

 

The advert for this Bar-B-Cue is worth repeating:

It is with a heavy heart that I must put this invaluable relic of culinary excellence up for sale, as there is only so much power that one man can wield for so long. Many moons ago, I unwittingly bought this magical forge of nourishment from a sand swept bazaar named ‘Barbecues Galore’. The gloriously bearded one-armed merchant warned me of untold rewards, that of which I could never fathom at the time. Since that fateful day, I have achieved flight without the use of propulsion, bedded Scarlett Johanssen on the back of a unicorn, and maintained a 100% strike rate when inserting a USB stick. It is now time for someone else to reap the life changing benefits of this mystical contraption of sustenance.

Specifications:

Two burners, named ‘Infernus’ and ‘Hellfire’.
Cast Iron plate, taken from the suit of arms of Richard the Lionheart.
Cast Iron grill, formerly used on the truck from Mad Max 2 : The Road Warrior.
Steel roasting hood, forged from the melted turret of the Soviet T-50 tank that took Berlin during the second World War.
Runs on the compressed breath of a dragon. Tank not included.
TWO attachable bench tops. These are really just pieces of plastic but they are handy. And there are two of them.

Evidence:

The fat from a pork sausage once spat up and hit my Dad in the head. He can now grow hair again, and it is glorious. Like a Pantene commercial.

A stray piece of lettuce fell onto the grill, and then turned into a white dove. It was delicious.

The aromas emanating from a single snag converted my lifetime vegan sister-in-law to a ravenous carnivore. She was later ejected from the party for biting guests.

Just last week a mate accidentally burnt

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Posted: 2nd, January 2014 | In: The Consumer Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink