Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin ‘Consciously Uncouple’ Their Caravan Of Love – World Rolls Eyes
AND so it came to pass that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are no longer together. She made the announcement on her website Goop. They have not split up. They have had a “conscious uncoupling”. They are like two parts of an inter-city train that has run its course. He heads into the Pumpkin cafe on Reading Station to eat a burger and crisps. She gets her pipes ABS system flushed with coconut water.
Or maybe they are a car uncoupling from a caravan: he the five-year-old Volvo estate; she the plumbed-in yurt.
The message reads:
It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.
Gwyneth & Chris
You’d think that the two people on Planet Earth don’t write “conscious uncoupling” and laugh are ideally suited. Or too similar.
The big shock, of course, is that the child they called Apple has yet to post any selfies on their iPhone. What’s the point of branding if you don’t get the freebies?