Chelsea Balls: Jose Mourinho Explores Sewing Dog Ears To A Crystal Palace Ballboy’s Head
THERE is something unsettling about Jose Mourinho, the Chelsea manager now in his second coming to the Blues. A successful man in his chosen field of expertise, Mourinho would be expected to be confident enough to play it straight. But instead he has all the grandeur of a puppy sat next to a pile of poo.
Those newer Manchester United fans scouring the Premier League for an alternative winning shirt to wear will look at Chelsea, but should realise why they are getting in to.
When he first arrived in the country Mourinho was a tornado whirling on Roman Abramovich’s cash. He was The Special One. He gave good quotes and was entertaining in a way that his team often were not. He managed to deflect attention away from them to himself.
When he returned to Stamford Bridge, Mourinho told the hacks: “Like the Portuguese people of the past, I am a navigator. A bit of an explorer.”
Giles Smith weighed Mourinho against some of his intrepid countrymen of yore:
Mourinho: Two Uefa Champions Leagues, one Uefa Cup, seven domestic league titles, one Taça de Portugal, one Supertaça Cândido de Oliveira, one Coppa Italia, one Supercoppa Italiana, one Copa del Rey, one Supercopa de España, one FA Cup, two League Cups, one Community Shield.
Vasco Da Gama: India.
At last weekend’s match at Crystal Palace, Mourinho took his by now customary role of overlapping full back and additional referee’s assistant to new levels when he delivered a few works to the inner ear of a ballboy. Frustrated by his side’s poor performance at Selhurt Park, Mou spotted one of the Crystal Palace ballboys apparently being slow to give the ball back to Cesar Azpilicueta, dashed over to the youngster in question and gave him a bit of a dressing down.
Apparently, Mourinho said that the boy would have been punched by the Chelsea players had he had continued to dilly-dally with the ball, particularly with Eden ‘Swansea ballboy booter’ Hazard on the pitch. After the game he told us:
“I thought Cesar Azpilicueta was going to lose emotional control [with the ballboy] and the kids are educated to do this but if a player hits a ballboy then the person who educates them disappears and the player is in trouble for pushing or punching the kid. I had a chance to get the kid and the kid was cute and I told him ‘you do this, one day somebody punches you’. We saw what happened with Eden.”
But the ballboy got away lightly. When Da Gama was upset by perceived skulduggery – his priest spying for the Indians – he ordered the priest’s lips cut off and a pair of dog’s ears sewn to his head.