Anorak | Chicks Dig Accordions! Vintage Vinyl and Squeezebox Groupies

Chicks Dig Accordions! Vintage Vinyl and Squeezebox Groupies

by | 4th, April 2014

accordion groupie


TO HELL with the electric guitar.  That may attract a flock of dirty groupies, but the real chick magnet is the accordion.  Sure, it has a reputation as being even less sexy than a French horn, but don’t believe the hype.  A look at this stack of old accordion LPs, and you’ll quickly see that the instrument of desire isn’t the guitar, drums or microphone, it’s the mad love machine called The Accordion.

(Lots more vintage gold on

accordion album (9)

Women love to rub against the bellows and stroke the keys sensually.  It’s well known among accordionists that instruments are often damaged by females attempting to dry hump unguarded instruments.  A tip for new accordionists: When you’re finished playing, be sure to put it in a safe place away from potential hump damage.


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The lure of substance abuse is no stranger to rock stars, but nothing compared to the world of accordionists.  As John Woodhouse demonstrates in the album above, with the simple press of a key, and buxom maidens appear out of the woodwork offering libations.


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What is it about the bellows-driven sounds of this magical box that makes women shed their clothes and become mad with passion?   Indeed, there is something primal, something bestial about it.  As Nicholas Cage once said, “I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.”


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Is it getting hot in here, or is it just the Accordion Erotica?  A comely young female perched atop a diatonic button accordion… If ever there was an image of raw sexuality this is it.

And another example…


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Women posed suggestively atop the hoods of sports cars and bearskin rugs are staples of erotic photography.  But nothing compares to the seductive power of a woman on an accordion.  Nothing.


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Tom Waits once said, “A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn’t.”  He never met Mister Blot.  Yes, there was always a groovy chick by his side, but Mr. Blot was never anything but gentlemanly.  Yes, he was into all kinds of deviant sexual practices, black magic, and ritual torture… but always with a consenting partner.

(Lots more vintage gold on

accordion album (1)

Since the accordion delivers such a powerful hypnotic spell towards the opposite sex, accordionists must be very careful when wielding this instrument.  With great power comes great responsibility.


accordion album (2)

Look at the wingspan of that accordion!  Like Dracula spreading his cape, Dick Cortino opens wide the accordion’s bellows, and the ladies swoon at his feet.


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Raves, keggers, and bachelor parties are fine, but nothing can compete with the wild orgy that is the accordion party. While these parties tend to

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Posted: 4th, April 2014 | In: Key Posts, Music Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink