Man Claims He’s Allergic To Kim Kardashian: Makes His Palms Sweat
THE headline of this piece could’ve been ‘Stupid Man Invents Thing To Get In The Papers’, but alas, we’ll deal with the hand we’ve been given.
Mike Amess has claimed that he’s allergic to Kim Kardashian. Of course, Kim Kardashian is the prime target in the world for people who want to knock someone without having to actually think of someone worthy of being a target.
Yes. Kim Kardashian is actually alright and hugely misunderstood, but that’s another article.
Amess says that the mere sight of Kardashian makes him want to vomit, which is of course, absolute bullshit. He’s even gone as far as saying that catching sight of any of the Kardashians makes him feel ill.
“Just hearing the sound of the Kardashians’ nasal voices or catching a glimpse of them on screen makes me feel nauseous and shaky,” said the store worker from Exeter. “My hands get clammy, my breathing gets heavier and I start sweating. Sometimes, I get teary and want to retch,” he added.
So what kicked this all off? Well, for another 100 Lazy Target points, it all started when he watched Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. You’ll note he’s not allergic to Ray J, the other star of the tape.
He said: “The sight of Kim writhing around with her huge bum and the sound of her horrible high-pitched wailing repulsed me. By the end of the tape, I had burst into tears. The experience left me terrified and I never wanted to see Kim’s face again.”
Naturally, thanks to talking absolute pigswill, Amess hasn’t gone to seek medical help for his condition, despite the apparent ‘near constant’ coverage of Kim K.
Rightly, his pals are taking the piss out of him. “Once, my friend put a picture of Kim Kardashian on his bathroom door so I couldn’t go to the loo all night. It was unbearable! They find it hilarious but they don’t realize how traumatic it is for me. I wish I wasn’t scared of the Kardashians.”
“People only rain on your parade because they’re jealous of your sun and tired of their shade” – Kim Kardashian.