The Most Interesting Man In The World: Actor William Smith
THE Dos Equis guy has nothing on actor, William Smith. No – I didn’t say Will Smith. We’re not talking about the Fresh Prince here, folks. I’m talking about William Smith the world’s biggest badass and Renaissance Man.
Never heard of him? Although he’s been in over 300 movies and TV shows, William Smith was never much of a headline actor – usually playing a supporting role as the stereotypical tough-guy villain. You may recognize his face since he’s played everything from Conan the Barbarian’s father to the Russian commander in Red Dawn. But he’s by no means a household name.
Yet, Mr. Smith has earned the right to be declared Hollywood’s Dos Equis man. He’s not only a human weapon that could eat Chuck Norris for breakfast, but he’s also an accomplished scholar, poet, and all around Übermensch. In fact, I’d go as far as to say he’s an Über-Übermensch. To see why, let’s take a look into his background. But be prepared to feel like you’ve done absolutely nothing with your life.
William Smith served in the US Air Force during the Korean War where he was a Russian Intercept Interrogator and flew secret missions over Russia.
William Smith at one time had both CIA and NSA clearance. He would have obtained a classified position within the US government, but was barred when he married a mysterious French actress known only as Michelle.
Has a master’s degree in Russian Studies from UCLA.
Currently is the world record holder for reverse-curling his own body weight.
We could stop right there, and that’d be pretty impressive. But it keeps going…
Smith was an amateur boxer with a 31-1 record. (I would love to know the story behind that one loss.) He also competed at the amateur level in downhill skiing and motorcross.
He taught Russian at UCLA while working on his PhD, but abandoned it to work as a stunt man for Tarzan movies.
Was the final Marlboro Man before cigarette advertising was discontinued on television.
Has been the Arm Wrestling World Champion… twice.
Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I’d be content with being a boxer and Marlboro Man…. that’s surely enough cool points to get you laid for a lifetime. But it keeps on coming….
Growing up, William Smith was a cattle rancher.
William Smith is fluent in English, Russian, German, French, and Serbo-Croatian.
Served as a volunteer fireman in the 1950s, putting out California wildfires.
He holds a Black Belt in martial arts (Kung Fu and Kenpo Karate).
Now it has transcended from being interesting trivia to a biography that’s making me question whether I’ve really done anything with my life. It’s like he’s rubbing it in at this point. Why couldn’t he be satisfied with English, Russian, German and French? He just had to go and become fluent in Serbo-Croatian too. Bastard.
And it keeps going…
William Smith is a direct descendant of Daniel Boone.
He was a lifeguard on the French Riviera.
William Smith also fancies himself a poet. His verse can be found in a published collection: The Poetic Works of William Smith.
William Smith is the most skilled bull whip master known today.
Are you f***ing kidding me? He’s the the world’s most skilled bull whip master? How does that even happen? Did he practice during his down time as a French Riviera lifeguard? Or perhaps he perfected his bull whip mastery in between putting out California wild fires…. or during his top secret reconnaissance missions across the Iron Curtain.
Russian scholar, lifeguard, fireman, pilot, stuntman, poet, bodybuilder, Black Belt… and I haven’t even mentioned his acting!
William Smith appeared in everything from biker films (Angels Die Hard, 1970) to a plethora of Westerns (Laredo, 1965-1967). He was the main villain (Adonis) in the final episode of Batman and fought Clint Eastwood in Any Which Way You Can (1980). He was a child actor in The Song of Bernadette (1943) and became a B-Movie king, appearing in Invasion of the Bee Girls in 1973 and The Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula in 2001, with a ton of drive-in movie camp in between.
We could then go into his social life – his racing competitions against Steve McQueen and his drunken exploits with the Rat Pack. If ever there was a life that cried out for an autobiography it’s this one.
In my own life, I would be proudly satisfied just to have been a French Riviera lifeguard during the 1960s. Oh, the stories of debauchery I would have. Add to that, a Black Belt in Kung Fu would have been the cherry on top.
But, no. William Smith had to go and do a billion other amazing things, making me feel like a complete slouch. So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go learn Serbo-Croatian.