Revealed: What Manchester United will do to win the Premier League
Football Balls loves those space-filling lists. The Daily Mail delivers news on Manchester United. Mike Keegan lists “10 things Louis van Gaal must fix before next season”.
Here, Sportsmail looks at what Van Gaal needs to do to ensure it is mission accomplished at Old Trafford.
Mission accomplished at Old Trafford is not like George Bush’s famous ‘Mission Accomplished’ in Iraq, where a swift defeat of the less well-armed enemy is followed by grandiose statements, trebles all round and chaos. Manchester United need to win the Premier League and then conquer Europe to accomplish any mission. Anything less for such a rich, free-spending club is failure.
Highlights of the ‘Ten Things’ are:
Improve away form
Revitalise Di Maria
Beat Newcastle United
To sum up: win more games.
Note to Mike Keegan: you can use the above to create the story ‘five reasons why my Manchester United list is five reasons too long’.
Over in the Manchester Evening News, Keegan and all of us get to know “Newcastle 0 Manchester United 1: Five things we learned”. Ready for three of them:
United are lucky; David De Gea is rather good; and it would be great to beat Liverpool.
We’ll end this look at meaningless lists passed off as news with the Newcastle Chronicle, which watched Manchester United’s 1-0 win over Newcastle United and delivered its five things it learned, chief of which are that referees make mistake and Newcastle are not all that good.
Once upon a time all that mattered was the result. Now the match report is tucked away beneathe a welter of utter balls…