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Breaking Media, Politicians & Celebrities Since 1995Tabloid news for broadsheet readers |
OK! Magazine reports that Michael Lohan intends to challenge K-Fed to a boxing match.
Michael tells OK! “Everyone wants me to fight K-fed because he’s a notorious celebrity dad and so am I. It’s for charity.”
PSST! Wanna ogle an underage girl and discuss her chest size? Then read the Sydney Morning Herald, the paper that cares:
Lindsay Lohan’s 14-year-old sister Ali has reportedly had a boob job. The teenager - who will release her second studio album later this year - was seen flaunting her new curves at a Jonas Brothers concert in New York last week, sparking rumours she had gone under the knife to enhance her cleavage.
Let’s have a heated debate…
CALL the cops. Lindsay Lohan is to marry Sam Ronson. Sam is a girl.
LOOKS like romance for movie babe LINDSAY LOHAN really does Mean Girls—she’s about to “tie-the-knot” with her lover.
I can reveal that Lindsay will come out and declare her eternal love for sweetheart SAM RONSON at a private ceremony in LA later this year.
Private… Really?
HANDS across the ocean as the British Celebrity Police Force exports its message to America.
There, Los Angeles police Chief William Bratton is wondering about his working day and that the paparazzi have gone quiet. Says he:
“If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving, Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.”
Oh, for those halcyon days when a copper could get his picture or on the nightly news in the paper stood alongside a jobbing celebrity. But, worry not, Bratton, Paris will return, Britney will get naked and Lohan shall bottle her lesbianism and sell it as her new scent.
TMZ.com is the apogee of celebrity porn.
Tabloid Baby looks at the site funded by the corporate monoliths Time-Watner and AOL and wonder how their clean corporate images sit with TMZ’s crude comments on Lindsay Lohan’s 14-year-old sister, Ali Lohan.
Anorak’s man in LA says:
In a story about Ali’s audition with a film producer with ties to the porn industry, shaved bronzed midget Harvey Levin and his gang use a double-entendre headline alluding to oral sex, along with a photo that obviously is meant to look, at first glance as if the 14-year-old child is performing an act of fellatio.
DID you know that Russell Brand turned down Lindsay Lohan?
The Star does. And in “RUSS SAYS NO TO LO!” it says Lohan “bombarded” Brand with “amorous emails”.
Having been knocked back further than Brand’s fringe, Lohan sent him a cat.
This may because Lohan thinks Brand is the cat’s pajamas, or read somewhere that British people prefer cats to stoats, although not ferrets, which remain stubbornly in vogue in parts of Lincolnshire.
Lohan could have bought Brand a dog, such as young people do when they start living together. But that might have been a bit forward. So she opted for a cat.
SAYS Michael Lohan of his daughter Lindsay Lohan to In Touch magazine:
Our trip next February encompasses the issue of child sexual slavery in India.
We also deal with helping Aids victims. She has made it clear she definitely wants to come along…
“Lindsay’s very spiritual. She has a wonderful heart, loves people and is very charitable.”
But is India ready to accept her…
SAYS Rupert Grint, Garry Potter star, of his meeting with Lindsay Lohan:
“I met Lindsay last summer and she talked about herself a lot. She said she was going to win an Oscar before she turns 125. I just thinking, ‘But you can’t act.’”
“IS ‘Lohan’ sex tape the Best?” asks the Sun.
“Caught in the act … ‘Lindsay Lohan’,” runs the caption beneath the grainy shot of head.
For all the advancements in technology and cinematic know how, today’s actresses can achieve a lasting fame by appearing in images seemingly collected by a pinhole camera.
The image is thought to be of Lohan performing what tabloid newspapers call a “sex act” on Calum Best, blank-faced son to the late George Best.
It’s hard to see who it is, or isn’t. Says the Sun: “At this stage, neither party has confirmed or denied whether this is the real deal.”
It’s all smack of a return to the age of silent cinema. Looking at the image, you half expect a piano to strike up, a saxophone to luxuriate and an onscreen intertitle declare: “Scene 1: Miss Lohan Gives Mr Calum an insight into her muse”…
TABLOID Baby looks at the Lindsay Lohan, and how her father Michael Lohan says the Dina’s show, the one featuring his ex-wife on E1, is “fighting mad, and charging larceny of the concept… and title”.
Michael emails Anorak’s man high in the Hollywood Hills:
“Dina took our entire concept and used it….Including the name. Ours was ‘Living with the Lohans’….hers is “Living Lohan”. How creative!!!! [exclamation bank withdrawal.)
“I spoke to Dominic (Barbara), Ben (Petrofsky), Barry Gross and John Di Mascio, all attornies, and every one confirms that I pitched the exact same show to Dina back in 2004. It was even in the press when Dina and her bodyguard (Ty Dux) leaked it out and even said, what a stupid idea it was. IT IS OUR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY! I believe that you even said that you pitched it to Bunim and Murray. You should do a whole piece on this…”
You may wonder how you can steal a show about being yourself in front of the camera?
DINA Lohan says her family has “no choice” but to perform in a new E! reality series about Lindsay Lohan her sister Ali L.O.H.A.N and mum D.I.N.A L.O.H.A.N.
No comment is a comment…
LINDSAY LOHAN on media intrusion: “The cameras are constantly there, and they’re constantly looking for the negative. So one roll of the eyes and you’re deemed drunk. One wrong step, your ankle twists, and you’re drunk. They can declare, ‘Lindsay drunk in the day!’ which I never was in my life, actually.”
That would be the ankle with the alcohol monitoring bracelet on it, or the other one?
LINDSAY Lohan has got her cardigan stuck in her skirt.
Before the Sun can go live to the scene, word from the paper’s fashion expert on if wearing cardigans in skirts is the new black and if the look can be replicated on the high street for less.
Says cardigan enthusiast Bob Carolgees…
LINDSAY Lohan is to work at a morgue as part of her punishment for misdemeanor drunken driving.
She has also spent two months in rehabilitation and has done some community service, Berk said at a hearing on her progress toward fulfilling the terms of her plea bargain.
Her two four-hour days at the morgue are part of a court-ordered program to show drivers the real-life consequences of drinking and driving. She must also spend two days working in a hospital emergency room.
Lohan was arrested twice last year on DUI charges and pleaded guilty in August to misdemeanor drunken driving and cocaine charges. She has already served 84 minutes in jail as part of the plea deal.
A place of stiff people with otherworldly and motionless faces. In Los Angeles..?
PARIS Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears - The Three Disgraces - dominate the mainstream medaia. The Associated Press are committed to covering everything Britney does.
The sex tapes, the drinking, the crime and the attention seeking. Click the graphic for a timeline. Pic: Gawker
THE Sydney Morning Herald reports that Linsday Lohan:
“The troubled Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan is the last person you would expect to be on the receiving end of a little Aussie ingenuity but not everyone has friends like the Australian playboy Andy Valmorbida.
“After playing host at his family’s marquee at the Melbourne Cup with Rachel Hunter, Valmorbida has returned to Hollywood to work on a deal for Lohan to indirectly endorse a nicotine substitute to help smokers quit.
“His Aussie friends inform PS the deal requires Lohan to hold the packet of special gum in view of the paparazzi so it can be captured in the frame and published worldwide.”
Can it be that the young and impressionable will see Lohan and bypass the actual smoking, moving straight onto the patches? Look out for new celebrity trend as the starlets take measures to stop a ‘tried and emotional’ addiction before it occurs.
Lohan is for hire. Watch out for the older Lindsay Lohan making her comeback years from now by endorsing her Fire Crotch range of security underwear and personal gems on one of Wyoming’s premier shopping channels…
LINDSAY Lohan talks to OK! about her rehab.
But a therapeutic interview was not Lohan’s first post-rehab move. Number one on the agenda was “to focus on my sobriety”.
Lindsay will imbibe Lindsay. As she tells us, the most important thing rehab taught her was “to focus on ourselves”.
Odd indeed that any Hollywood starlet should need to discover that it all about me. But rehab is less about teaching than re-connecting.
And should Lindsay Lohan relapse, one imagines any number of rehab centres will be on had to help Lindsay Lohan see what is truly important: Lindsay Lohan.
