Anorak News | Mum’s The Word

Mum’s The Word

by | 23rd, June 2003

‘THERE’S an old Chinese proverb that says: ”Be careful what you wish for because it might come true.”

Ah, he’s got his aunty’s nose…

Vicki found this out the hard way this week when in a bid to stay in Walford, she pretended to Sharon that she was pregnant. Sharon made Vicki take a pregnancy test and for the first time in her life, Vicki actually passed something.

”Sorry for doubting you, Vicki,” said the pig in a wig. ”You really are pregnant.” Apparently, Vicki and Spencer had shared a night of passion in a snooker hall about a month ago. Which just goes to show that sometimes even when you’re trying to play safe you can fluke a pot.

Spencer has agreed to do ‘the right thing’ and marry the whining American brat. But luckily for him (and mankind), Vicki has decided to have a termination.

There’s more baby trouble in the Square as Lynne discovered Gary reading a book of baby names for his and Laura’s baby. A tearful Lynne revealed to Mo that she doesn’t think she can have children. ”It’s clearly not Gary, is it?”

Which may not be strictly true as there are rumours that Laura is to give birth to a ‘brawwwn bay-bee’.

Kat and Alfie finally get together this week. Less a meeting of minds, more a meeting of enormous girths as the pair of them seem to be on the Sonia Jackson ‘see-food’ diet. I predict a Christmas ratings-boosting wedding.

The tedious saga of Martin blackmailing Kareena over her secret relationship with Tariq is finally over when big brother Ash stepped in and threatened to beat up Martin – echoing the thoughts of 16 million viewers.

Martin has now taken to blackmailing Derek, threatening to tell his best mate, Brian, who’d come to stay, that Derek was gay. Derek was frightened of Brian’s reaction so Pauline agreed to pretend to be his wife.

Brian revealed to Derek that he knew he was gay all along and that it made no difference to him at all. ”I’ve always known you were gay,” he told Derek.

Even if he hadn’t, one look at Pauline’s ratchet face would have been enough to turn any man gay.

Posted: 23rd, June 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink