Anorak News | Self-Preservation Society

Self-Preservation Society

by | 29th, October 2003

‘IAIN Duncan Smith can’t be all that bright. No, really.

‘I’ve asked for the Home Surgery kit for Christmas’

Chances are that if you asked him what he knew about plate tectonics or the ERM he’d tell you that he knew it all – and then be unable to tell you anything worthwhile at all.

There is a time and a place to admit that you’re pig ignorant and there exists a hole in your knowledge bank the size of Jade Goody’s gob.

But IDS’s condition is not untypical of us Brits. And it’s an impression lent added weight by the Times’ article that Do-It-Yourself healthcare is the new boom business.

A report for Mintel, the marketing analysts, and seen by the Times, says that we are spending increasing amounts of cash on self-diagnosis.

And it’s not all pregnancy tests, but includes such things as blood pressure monitors and something called a peak flow meter.

Some questions as to the usefulness of some of these products must be asked. For instance, in our experience a mirror makes a pretty fine body fat monitor.

But we’re not listening – not that the ear thermometers sticking from both sides of our head make hearing anything at all particularly easy.

So to the result of this take on the Brits’ love of DIY doctoring, and to a spokeswoman for the British Medial Association, who says that people who know about their medical conditions take up less of a GP’s time.

This must be a good thing, given how over-stretched our doctors are. And we ask you all to help them out by way of a simple new device.

With our Anorak EZBreathe Kit, you simply blow into one end until you can no longer breath.

You will eventually die, but our machine means you’ll know you’re going to die and be comforted by the fact that you’ve not wasted valuable GP time and saved the NHS a small fortune.’

Posted: 29th, October 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink