Anorak News | FORE play

FORE play

by | 31st, October 2003

‘THE rules of golf are simple. 1) Do not allow women or ethnic minorities into the clubhouse unless they are a) cleaning or b) serving gin.

Let this be a warning to all

2) If other competitors can’t see you, kicking your ball into a better position is allowed. 3) Players must work in middle management and be called Clive.

Anyone breaking any of the above rules will be forced to wear hideous jumpers with a tartan print and forgo their ComfiSlax for some culottes.

Those who have noted the prevalence of such attire on golf courses now realise that golf is a haven for rule breakers. It’s time to get tough.

The Independent has seen a list of the new laws of the game, which will come into play on January 1 2004. So, pay attention, Clive.

Shouting “FORE” after a poor shot is now required by law. All other words are strictly forbidden. Anyone shouting another word can just FORE right off.

It’s all a question of etiquette, as David Rickman, the rules secretary at the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews, where these rules were drawn up, explains.

“A lot of developing counties where there are no traditions to be passed on need clear guidelines of what is expected,” says Rickman.

“There is a concern that high standards are falling. We set our standards high. We make no apology for that and we want it to remain the case.”

And just as soon as we’ve civilised these wayward foreigners, we’ll let them carry our bags and show them how an upstanding British man hits the ball.’

Posted: 31st, October 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink