Anorak News | Damn And Blast

Damn And Blast

by | 5th, November 2003

‘OH, happy, happy day! The hunt for weapons of mass destruction is at an end.

The Scud of the firework world

The Express’ fearless reporter, Geoff Marsh, is seen in the paper clutching two enormous weapons that were surely once pointed at dear old Blightly.

Nicknamed “Bangenstein” and “Big Mama”, the two explosives are being taken away for safe detonation at a school playground in Surbiton.

But this is only the thin edge of a very thick wedge. Never ones to be scooped on a scare story, the Mail has unearthed some finds of its own.

Take the “DIABLO”, which claims to be “The God of destruction – 48 enormous blasts”. A picture on the side of the rocket shows a grinning Devil, a thinly disguised Saddam Hussein if ever it were.

And there is more. Alas, so much more. “TERMINAL BLITZ” sends shudders through even you who survived the German air raids. This is “not recommended for garden use” – unless your Anderson Shelter is still functioning.

And so it goes on, as the paper shows us the made-in-Niger “NEUTRON PULSE”, the “SILVER STROPE WHOPPA” and the “CRACKING AIR BOMBS”.

The Mail wants all these instruments of hate purged from the land. And they’ll get their wish tonight when the entire lot will be exploded in pyrotechnic displays of despotic race hate.

Catholics are advised to stand well back…’

Posted: 5th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink