Oranges Not The Only Fruit

‘CLEARLY we all want a copper for Christmas. At the very least they will serve to carry our bags and employ their truncheons and pepper spray to beat a clear path through the crowds of shoppers.

‘I think of myself as more of a lemon’

But the kiddies will have to wait for their personal cops. According to the Mirror, each child under the age of six years will receive £180 worth of presents this Christmas.

That’s woefully short of the £10,000 needed for a private cop with realistic roving eyes and chopping action.

While not exactly law, the £180 is just the amount the paper suggests you spend on Bianca and Troy.

And you can rest assured that Leo Blair will get his prescribed allotment of gifts – no more and no less.

But it could have been worse. The Express says that if it weren’t for our American allies, we’d be spending even less on our children.

To thank for this surge in prices we have what the paper calls a “vicious trade war” with America. The US has refused to call a truce with Europe and now the cost of goods is set to rocket.

Designer T-shirts will rise by a “staggering” £50, Nike trainers by £27 a pair and Calvin Klein spectacles jump a whopping 100% to £300.

If that were not bad enough, the paper tells us that the typical Florida orange will shoot up from 20p to 25p.

And if your household staff complain that their annual gift of a single piece of tropical fruit now means not an orange but a lone and affordable grape (price on application), tell them to blame the Americans.

It’ll be one more thing to march about this Thursday…’

Posted: 17th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink