World In Motion

‘ENGLAND might be world champions in rugby, but rugby songs have never truly taken hold.

Modern dance has been very popular in football

Most care not a jot if your balls hang low and dangle to and fro, whether you can indeed f**k a Wallaby or if you get carried home in a chariot, the arms of your mates or an ambulance. We remain gripped by football fever.

To prove that neither rugby or even the Devil have the best tunes, the Guardian reports that the hunt is on for a football chants laureate.

Heading the search for the new £10,000-a-year post is Arsenal fan Andrew Motion, the poet laureate who gets by on a mere £5,000 each year, or a penny a rhyme.

The extra money comes courtesy of Barclaycard, sponsors of the Premier League.

A spokesman for the company, Nic Gault, talks up the post and says how important chants are. He even claims them to be a ”modern day art form”.

Indeed, most chants are as subtle as Tracey Emin’s bed and as sweet smelling as a Damien Hirst’s cow. But is it art?

Whether it is or not, a hitch has arisen. A spokeswoman for the contest says that entrants and their songs must not use obscenities.

Which pretty much scuppers the contest before it has even begun. As they sing in poetry circles, ”You can stick your contest up your…”’

Posted: 25th, November 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink