Anorak News | It’s Behind You

It’s Behind You

by | 3rd, December 2003

‘PANTO season has come early to Coronation Street – in the past week we’ve had men in drag (Bet/Liz), over-the-top villains (Cecil’s son Philip), and unlikely heroes (yer man Jim McDonald).

”Here! I’ve only used it a couple of times”

And that’s to say nothing of a plot so implausible even Baywatch would reject it.

To recap, Jim had broken out of prison to find Liz because he didn’t trust her and thought she was having an affair. With the help of Steve and Karen, he found her and she managed to convince him that she wasn’t having an affair (even though she actually had).

Jim and Liz decided to run away together to America via Northern Ireland in a stolen speedboat but – would you believe it – they happened to bump into Ashley, Claire and Joshua who were also in a speedboat and were drowning.

“We’ll have to turn back, Jim,” cried Liz, more concerned about what the salt water was doing to her hair then anything else. “Oh well!” said Jim. “It was good while it lasted, Liz.” No Jim, trust us, it wasn’t.

Jim was led away in handcuffs while Liz went off to Brighton to start a new life with Bet. As the other half of a drag act no doubt.

Bet was suffering from heartache of her own as her fiancé, Cecil Newton, had died at the altar, just as he was about to marry her. He was probably envisioning his wedding night and realised he was better off dead.

Ashley and Claire have got Christmas Wedding written all over them though. They returned to Weatherfield after their Blackpool trip noticeably closer. “People will be thinking we’re a couple,” laughed Ashley nervously.

Poor Ashley is still caught up in the memory of dead wife Maxine. Let her go Ash! She’s moved onto bigger and better things, love, not least a series of adverts for Asda.

Dev-id Essex has also got a new lady in his life – Maya, the lawyer who put the ‘solicit’ into solicitor. Maya has revealed that she’s not the together career woman Dev thought she was by getting fired for having an affair with a married client. She then revealed that she had thousands of pounds worth of debts.

Dev took it all in his stride however. “Get dressed,” he told her. “You’re moving in with me.”

Award for loony of the week though has to go to Brenda Ferns. Brenda is playing an increasingly large and unstable part in the lives of Bethany, Sarah Lou and Todd.

Sarah let Brenda take Bethany home for the night, where she proceeded to tell the two-year-old some very interesting bedtime stories. “And all the fornicators and the liars will burn in the hell fires of damnation forever,” she read before kissing her granddaughter goodnight on the cheek.

Brenda ‘forgot’ to take Bethany home the next day and when she did finally turn up she launched into a tirade against the “filth and sin” that her grand daughter was being subjected to, living with an unmarried couple.

Sarah Lou threw her out of the house and so Brenda’s developed a very nice line in lurking around corners, a la Tricky Dickie.

Poor Sarah Lou’s set to get another nasty surprise later this week too when she discovers that she’s pregnant. Again. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde: “To get pregnant by accident once is a misfortune, have it happen twice and you should get yourself on Trisha.”’

Posted: 3rd, December 2003 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink