Anorak News | If You Can’t Beat ‘Em

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em

by | 15th, January 2004

‘WE are pretty certain that the swarthy man arrested at Heathrow Airport with bullets in his pocket is not Robert Kilroy-Silk.

Mohammed Kamal Mustafa

Although dark and tanned in appearance, Kilroy is in actual fact naturally pink of hue; he has also never knowingly been an Arab.

Indeed, Kilroy’s knowledge of Arabs is pretty dire and, as the Times reports, some poor soul at the BBC is watching past tapes of his talk show to see if his views on other religions, creeds and colours are equally as ignorant.

In looking at Kilroy’s old shows, it could mean that some more good may come of this, other than just the removal of the non-Arab former MP from our TV screens.

Forced actually to watch the stuff it broadcasts, the Beeb might come to its senses and create some more interesting shows.

And may we humbly suggest ”How to beat your wife and get away with it”.

But before you congratulate us, and a commissioning editor hands us sackfuls of cash and hires Roddy Doyle to write the script, we confess that it is not our idea.

It’s the headline that appears in today’s Telegraph. And Mr Doyle can hold his quill because the script has already been written by a certain Mohammed Kamal Mustafa.

In his book, Women In Islam, Mustafa writes that verbal warnings followed by a period of sexual inactivity could be used to admonish a stray wife.

If that fails (and looking at Mustafa, it can only lead to a very prolonged silence), you should hit her.

”The blows should be concentrated on the hands and feet using a rod that is thin and light so that it does not leave scars or bruises on the body,” he writes.

If the BBC wish to pick up the format for an upcoming TV series, they will interested to learn that Mustafa, the imam of a mosque in the Spanish resort of Fuengirola, has been fined £1,500 and found guilty of inciting violence against women.

A little notoriety never hurt the viewing figures. And for added sensation, the Beeb might like to employ Kilroy in the role of the preacher.

After all, he is so very good at it. And he has got the tan…’

Posted: 15th, January 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink