Anorak News | Grave Concerns

Grave Concerns

by | 16th, January 2004

‘SUCH has been the relentless rise in property prices that the Government is looking at ways to redevelop graves.

Wanted: non-smoking, prof., clean and tidy lodger; must be dead. Reply to G. Reaper…

The compact and bijou six-foot deep holes, with in-built worm farms and genuine wooden frames, are about to get some new residents.

That, according to the Times, is if the Government has its way. Paul Goggins, the Home Office minister, is looking at ways to reuse existing graves.

The preferred method is to exhume any remains left in a grave and re-inter them deeper in the same plot, so producing a maisonette where a bungalow once lay.

The Telegraph takes up the story, explaining how the “lift and deepen” plan will enable many more of us to be buried in cemeteries when he die.

Graves will no longer be fine and private places, but as busy and well–populated as any city, with apartments for all at different levels.

And this gets us thinking. If you could share a grave, whom would you like to share yours with?

Will men like to rest for all eternity (or at least until that are dug up) on top of, say, Diana Dors or the woman they always fancied but never dared to ask out?

Will men enjoy sharing intimate space with dashing actors, like Richard Burton?

Will there auctions where bidders use their dying breath to say how much they would pay to go to bed with a dead Beatle – for ever?

We hope so. And so we launch our “Grave Mate” challenge.

The best suggestion will get the grave mate of their choice (or a hastily-murdered professional look-alike), while the ten runners-up will get to go on top…’

Posted: 16th, January 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink