A Made-Up Story

‘AS part of the Government’s vaunted New Deal, thousands of people up and down the land have learnt a new skill to equip them for the job market of the new millennium.

‘Hey, Dave! Some of the grouting’s come loose’

Coal miners have become hairdressers, dockers have become hairdressers, steel workers have become hairdressers and master builders have become make-up artists.

In Tony’s Brave New Britain, what need have we of fossil fuels to keep warm or even four walls and a roof to protect us from the frosty wind when we have the inner glow of looking good as a personal central heating system?

Sadly, not everyone has taken to their new profession with the same panache as, say, John Prescott, once a ship’s purser and now Emeritus Professor Of English at Cambridge University.

Take, for instance, Big Dave, the new make-up artist at Hello! whose job it was to prepare Billie Piper for the photo-shoot to launch her acting career.

In an earlier incarnation, Dave was an expert bricklayer and in 1998 won the title Norwich & District Speed Bricklaying Champion after laying an impressive 1,246 bricks in half an hour.

Unfortunately, he has taken the same speed and lack of regard for the finished product to his new career.

In fact, judging by the pictures in the magazine, it appears he might have employed the same implements (to wit, a trowel) and the same materials (to wit, cement) on Mrs Chris Evans’s face.

She, however, smiled through the whole ordeal – like the brick we know she is.’

Posted: 29th, January 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink