The Flying Squab

‘JUST as you never see a baby pigeon, you never see one that’s lost.

‘Did he say the B4156 or the B1456?’

For a long while it was believed that pigeons relied wholly on in-built sensors that ensured they always returned home.

But now a study by scientists at Oxford University has found that these rats with wings merely do as drivers do and follow roads.

Professor Guildford, who headed the ten-year study that’s been seen by the Sun, was surprised at the findings.

‘By matching their routes to detailed maps of the country it is striking to see the pigeons fly straight down the A34 Oxford bypass, and then sharply curve off at the traffic lights.’

Speaking to the Mirror, Peter Brian, the Royal Pigeon Racing Association’s general manager, says the findings are ‘spot on’.

‘We are based in Cheltenham,’ says he, ‘and every Saturday you can see whole flocks of pigeons flying up the M5’.

But our preferred explanation is that pigeons actually follow cars, which can be far more easily bombed from above if sat in heavy traffic on one the country’s many congested arterial roads.

And if any pigeon reading this wants to have a really good laugh, they should be over Whitehall at 12:25pm, at which time John Prescott will be taking his Jaguar the full two yards from his desk to his lunch.’

Posted: 5th, February 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink