Locked Away

‘YOU would never catch David Beckham smoking a cigarette or, for that matter, his wife, Posh.

Gulag is the new Gucci

They know that if you want to get ahead in the celebrity jungle you need a couple of kiddies, and you can’t get them if you’re impotent.

Next in order of importance to a celebrity couple blessed with childish accessories is a head of luscious, shiny hair.

And if you can’t get any of your own, you can buy some. The Times says that the place to shop for a new barnet is in Russia’s prisons.

Such is the clamour for shiny hair extensions that Russian prisoners are having their heads forcibly shaved and the locks dispatched to hair salons throughout the West.

Indeed, La Posh’s hair is from Russia, although her hairdresser, Felenby Georghiou, is sure as sure can be that the hair is not from prisoners.

It is most likely from a hair farm, in which volunteers eager to get near La Posh and, by association, her husband, willingly live while their hair grows.

They are then given a signed photo of their heroine and baldy sent on their way…’

Posted: 12th, February 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink