Anorak News | Working Class

Working Class

by | 13th, February 2004

‘SCHOOL breaks up, school breaks down, we don’t care if the school falls down.

‘I don’t care what Ms Short told you, this is not America and you cannot shoot your teachers’

The Health and Safety Executive might have a few words of complaint about crumbling buildings, but Tony Blair has plans to rebuild this school and others like it in a £5.1bn regeneration scheme.

The reconstruction of post-war Iraq will have nothing on this drive to equip secondary schools with state-of-the-art facilities, like text books and, who knows, even a playing field or two.

And keeping with Tony’s love of all things radical (see his speeches on just about anything), the Guardian says some of these schools will be designed by some of Brian’s top architects.

Leading-edge technology will ensure that any child’s head will be met by an automated flushing facility, ultra-sensitive listening devices will relay any whispering in class to the headmaster’s office and “virtual” teachers will be piped in by the last word in holographic know-how.

It will indeed be a brave new dawn, albeit one that is 15 years away.

For now, students must make do with the usual shoddy classrooms, rickety desks and supply teachers who have little in the way of practical experience.

Take the latest recruit to Southfield Community College’s staff room.

A BBC2 documentary team has been following the institution’s new educator, one Clare Short.

The Independent says that Short has been teaching geography for a week, using her all the lessons she learnt from her last post as Overseas Development Secretary.

So far, she’s managed to find Palestine on the map but has experienced trouble pinpointing Israel, she seems convinced that Britain is part of the USA and she has argued long and loud that Birmingham lies at the centre of the world.

But she is not so useful when it comes to punctuality, and her timekeeping has been shoddy, forcing senior members of staff to cover for her lapses.

“I was late because, er, I was late because I was having a very difficult time because I didn’t have a hairdryer,” said Short by way of an excuse for her tardiness.

“I found one in the end, but I had to go and ask somebody and the person wasn’t in.”

Anything else?

“And then the big boys came with American accents and blew up my lounge, and a bomber got on the bus, and that blew up as well.

“And then the bomb disposal dog ate my homework and John Prescott ran over my foot and…”’

Posted: 13th, February 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink