Anorak News | Going Solo

Going Solo

by | 9th, March 2004

‘IF James Hewitt is the king of reality TV after his win in the Back To Reality show, there is no doubt that Kerry McPudding is the queen.

‘And his thighs are that wide!’

And the Star reports this morning that porky husband Bryan McPadding is to quit Westlife after more than five years of massive worldwide success.

The paper says he broke the news in an emotional meeting with the band, saying that he wanted to spend more time with Kerry and their two kids.

That’s the good news; the bad news is that he is planning a solo career…and not as Ginsters’ Pie Taster In Chief.

If Kerry could be excused for worrying about her weekly shopping bill, which will go through the roof now her husband is at home all the time, then we have something to put a smile on her face.

Or rather the Express has something to put a smile on her face – Coffee Tights.

‘Forget step classes, fad diets, seaweed wraps and liposuction,’ the paper advises. ‘Scientists say they have discovered a new pain-free method of losing fat on the thighs – caffeine-filled tights.’

Austrian lingerie firm Palmers has developed the tights, which contain microscopic capsules of caffeine that are supposed to stimulate the breakdown of fatty tissue.

The company claims that the tights start working if worn regularly for just three weeks and women can achieve a two centimetre reduction on each leg.

And as if to prove this, the Express puts a picture of the cellulite-ravaged legs of two middle-aged celebrities – Jerry Hall and (pre-op) Demi Moore – beside the lycra-encased pins of some 18-year-old model.

The results, we can confirm, are amazing.

‘They really work,’ says 24-year-old Austrian Marcella Mueller.

The tights come in five different flavours – espresso, latte, cappuccino, macchiato and frappuccino. Also available in decaffeinated.’

Posted: 9th, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink