"Here, Range Rover"

‘BUYING a second-hand car is a dangerous game – there are many unscrupulous dealers out there who are happy to sell a dog of a motor to an unsuspecting purchaser.

Live pictures from Asda car park in Dudley

But DJ Lisa Lashes little suspected what she was getting when she bought a second-hand Range Rover…from Stan Collymore.

‘YUK!’ screams the headline in the Mirror, as it goes on to report that Lisa hasn’t used the car since Collymore admitted that he had used it in his ‘dogging’ expeditions.

‘Lisa was really chuffed with the car,’ a friend tells the paper, ‘but could not believe her eyes when she saw it splashed all over the papers.’

Two weeks ago, Collymore admitted that he used to indulge in a practice called ‘dogging’ – having sex with strangers or watching strangers having sex – in car parks across the Midlands.

From dogs to racoons, and the Sun has news that the 2ft-long creatures are succeeding where Adolf Hitler failed and overrunning Europe.

Top Nazi Herman Goering had the US mammals introduced into German woods in 1934 to ‘enrich the Reich’s fauna’, but numbers have since soared and the animals are now looking for a bit of ‘lebensraum’.

The Sun says the racoons have already marched through Belgium, the Netherlands and Denmark ‘in a furry blitzkrieg’ and are now massing on the other side of the English Channel.

‘Arm yourselves, and be ye men of valour, and be in readiness for the conflict; for it is better for us to perish in battle than to look upon the outrage of our nation and our altar…”

Posted: 10th, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink