Over The Top

‘WHEN you hear in the Mirror that ‘rail bosses have turned back the clock 100 years’, you jump for joy and click your heels.

‘All aboard the 19:14 London to Sheffield!’

Back then, trains ran on time, rolling through miles of untarnished verdant countryside, where young scamps with barking dogs chased alongside waving at smiling class-divided passengers.

Hang 1976, it was 1904 that was the best year in the locomotive industry. And it’s coming back.

Sadly, what with this being the Mirror, things are not quite what they promise and it’s not 100 years but 90 years, back to 1914…and the outbreak of the Great War.

Those halcyon days of mustard gas and trenchfoot are already upon passengers of Midland Mainline service between London and Sheffield.

The company has taken the decision to replace the standard whistles blown by its station staff to herald the imminent departure of trains with the ACME Thunderer, the one used to send troops over the top in the First World War.

‘Once people hear this they should be making their way to the train rather sharply,’ says Tim Shoveller, the company’s operations director, seen brandishing what the Express calls the ‘Rolls-Royce of whistles’.

A 90-decibel blast from the whistle will set the passengers running, probably in all directions…in a mad panic to escape the worst the Red Baron can throw at them as he strafes the carriages with bullets.’

Posted: 18th, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink