Queer As Folk

‘IT was Karl’s birthday this week and for once he got what he wanted: Todd.

‘Surely no-one will see us here…’

Karl had organised a night out to Manchester’s gay district. While Katie and Sarah were really excited about the prospect of a night out clubbing, Martin and Todd were dreading it – but for very different reasons.

“I don’t want to have to spend the whole night with my back to the wall,” ‘joked’ Martin, whereas Todd was frightened of spending an evening with a room full of gay men because he was terrified he’d fancy one of them.

Sarah’s hopes of a good night out were dashed when Candice came round in flood of tears, saying she wasn’t up to baby-sitting. She’d just discovered that her boyfriend Jason had been doing some home visiting on behalf of Help The Aged – sleeping with middle aged women.

Candice went understandably ballistic when he confessed that he’d made a pass at Gail. “Gail??” she screamed. “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.”

Sarah Lou called Todd to tell him she wasn’t going to make it. “Don’t let that spoil your evening though,” she told him.

Todd took Sarah at her word and proceeded to snog the face off Karl. “I want yer,” he stammered to Karl. “I can’t help meself,” he added, before lunging at the nurse in the middle of the street.

Under soap law, adultery must be committed in public places so the chance of getting caught is multiplied and it’s good to see that the writers aren’t discriminating against homosexuals. For who should step out of cab at that very moment but Katy and Sarah Lou?

Todd quickly shoved Karl off him. “I wasn’t expecting you to turn up,” blustered Todd, in the understatement of the year.

Not surprisingly, Todd wasn’t very comfortable in a club with his girlfriend and gay lover, so he left early. “You and me are gonna happen,” Karl whispered to him in a hospital corridor the next day, “so you might as well get used to the idea.”

Elsewhere on the Street there’s another love triangle developing, only ‘love’ is putting it in polite terms.

Fizz discovered that her mother had stolen her credit card and had racked up almost £300 on it – which is a lot of Lycra leopard skin. She threatened to go to the police unless Cilla gave her the money by the next day.

Raising £300 in a night is nothing new to Cilla, however. She simply donned her most hideous, skin-tight outfit and made a call to “Uncle Ronnie.”

Chesney overheard his mother arranging to prostitute herself on the phone and was understandably upset.

“Yer not going to go back to Uncle Ronnie are yer?” he pleaded, “I like it here with Uncle Les.” “Not if yer keep yer trap shut,” snarled the Mother Of The Year. “Otherwise it’s the children’s home for you.”

The Street’s second most horrendous woman, Maya, is also showing her true colours this week. Never the most stable of people, she’s now gone completely loony by kidnapping Tyrone’s dog.

“You didn’t do it, did you?” Dev asked Maya after Tyrone had gate-crashed their engagement party and accused her of being a murderer. “What do you think?” smiled Maya, her scary eyes rolling around in her head.

How long is it going to take for Dev to realise he’s engaged to Norman Bates’ less sane sister? Mind you, this is a man who wears leather waistcoats, so clearly judgement isn’t his strong point.’

Posted: 15th, April 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink