Anorak News | That Old Black Magic

That Old Black Magic

by | 23rd, April 2004

‘SOME words need no translation. Their meaning is as clear as day.

Ron will be backed by The Three Degrees – Cunningham, Regis and Baston

But still the Guardian takes an entire page to add context to the phraseology of Ron Atkinson, the erstwhile football pundit, who until very recently wrote for its pages.

Ron’s comment on Chelsea football club’s black player Marcel Desailly – “He is what is known in some schools as a fucking lazy, thick nigger” – may have been taken out of context.

What the context they should have been made in is unclear. Perhaps Ron should have made his comments in a football match in the Seventies or in Richard Desmond’s Germany and not on a live TV broadcast.

Ron’s thoughts might even be better suited to song. But if Ron is to be the new Chant Laureate, he’ll have to see off some stiff competition.

The Times casts an eye over some of the entries to date in the hunt for the person to tour the Premiership stadiums composing chants for fan on a £10,000 annual allowance.

Thirty chants have made it onto Poet Laureate Andrew Motion’s shortlist. And for your delectation, here are a few.

To the tune of The Weather Girls’ It’s Raining Men, take it away, Emma Pursey: “It’s Wayne [Rooney] again/ With a hat-trick/ It’s Wayne again/ Sayin’ ‘Pick me Sven’/ Short, scouse with light brown hair/ All the keeper does is stop and stare…”

Over to you, Sean Kelly, who has quit his job to dedicate his energies to the competition. To the tune of Yankee Doodle: “Darren Huckerby is great/ He’s always on the forage/ He’d really like to score some goals/ But that doesn’t rhyme with Norwich.”

When you learn that Kelly’s job earned him £40,000 a year, you may well shed a tear.

And lastly, let’s hear from Mark Luff, who rewrote the Stranglers’ Golden Brown for Wes Brown. “Wesley Brown, he’s number one/ Centre-half, second to none/ Leeds/ Liverpool/ We’ll beat them all/ We’ll lift the crown/ With Wesley Brown.”

And now to the tune of That Old Black Magic, take it away, Ron: “He is what is known as a thick…”’

Posted: 23rd, April 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink