Arse About Face

‘PRINCESS Diana was 36 years old when she was taken from us. That’s no age at all. But we now learn the more shocking news that her backside was a mere slip of a girl – it was just 16.

Top of the bottoms

This is a cruel blow. But Diana’s posterior was not out of the ordinary and the Sun brings news that we are all blessed with backsides that look 20 years younger than our faces.

Of course, with some people it is hard to spot any difference between arse and face at all, especially when they speak.

But taking a broad look at the bum, tushy, call it what you will, the Sun has seen scientific proof that as a rule our rears look more youthful than our faces.

Skincare company RoC has looked into the matter and noted how, since most arses are covered up and the sun accounts for 80% of skin ageing, our buns look relatively youthful and carefree when contrasted with our faces.

The company’s chief of research, Dr Nathalie Issachar, says: ‘People like the sensation of warm sun on their skin and a tan makes people feel good. But they should be sensible about sunbathing.’

That’s sage advice. And while we chew it over, we are invited to gaze upon some arses and the faces that sit atop them.

So step forward and bend over Kylie Minogue, for whom this story was surely written. And know that at 36, Kylie has the backside of a 21-year-old. And that’s official.

What’s more, 31-year-old [sic] Geri Halliwell’s bum is closer to 20, the same age as 33-year-old Jennifer Lopez’s proud rump.

But hold on to your lunch, because that white expanse of puckered skin and crack belongs to 63-year-old Peter Stringfellow, the biggest arse of them all. And news is that it’s only 35-years-old.

As such, Stringfellow’s rear is only just entering the age when men experience a mid-life crisis.

But at least it will have Peter’s wealth of experience to draw upon as is it navigates the difficult days that lie ahead…’

Posted: 11th, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink