Anorak News | Three Lines

Three Lines

by | 11th, June 2004

‘“THREE lines on a shirt, the purple haze is flying, bananas in the sky and thimbles in the lining…”

Scholes means, er, no goals for three years

Oh, what a laugh we had in Euro 2004! And for that we have the Portuguese police to thanks.

For, as the Mirror reports, the boys in blue have decided to take a relaxed view on cannabis intake among football fans.

It’s not illegal to smoke dope in Portugal, and the authorities in that enlightened land have decided that they’d rather see a load of stoned football supporters than gangs of lads high on gallons of wife-beater and hooch.

“HERE WEED GO!“ indeed, as the Star says on its front page. And if it takes a few spliffs to stop English fans smashing up Lisbon, then Rizlas all round, we say.

The other thing that keeps England fans in good humour is a fine performance for their team.

And Paul Scholes, carrot-coloured apex of England’s much-vaunted diamond-shaped midfield, is telling the Sun that those cocky Frenchies had best watch out.

“There’s a feeling there is sometimes some boastfulness about the French contingent at Arsenal,” says Scholes. “I think it’s just the way they are.”

“It’s a motivation to bring them down a peg or two, but it would be nice to say that after the game. It would be nice to say that wound us up.”

Hang on a mo, Scholesy. Perhaps the French are a wee bit brash, but they are the current holders of the European Championships and a large part of their squad are World Cup winners.

And as for getting wound up, our advice, and that of the Portuguese police, is to buy some blow and chill out. We do not want any trouble.

But bother is what the English rugby team are going to get in New Zealand.

The Mail hears from former Kiwi Andy Haden, who urges the All Blacks to turn the first Test into a “dockyard brawl”.

“That’s what we need against England,” he says, “a real knock-down, drag-out business which comes with a good old arm-wrestle.”

And then for some neat analogising. “The size of the dog in the fight is not important,” says Haden the philosopher. “It’s the size of the fight in the dog that matters.“

Oi! No giggling in the stands. This is a serious matter and if you keep laughing and snorting like a foolish dolt, we’ll be forced to stop things right here and now.

Cripes! We preferred you lot when you were pissed…’

Posted: 11th, June 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink