Anorak News | An Udder Country

An Udder Country

by | 17th, June 2004

‘IF England are to beat Switzerland in their Euro 2004 clash tonight, they have got a number of obstacles to overcome.

Heifer good time

First, they must they beat their own fans, or at least the “sad losers” whom the Sun names and shames on its front page this morning (see broadsheets).

Then, they must beat the Swiss, who, according to the Mirror, are on a cow-a-man bonus to beat Sven Goran Eriksson’s men.

The paper explains that, while England players receive £109,000 a man just for being in the squad, the Swiss will receive the traditional gift for sporting triumph – a heifer.

Finally, they have to beat the ITV jinx. The Express reveals this morning that England haven’t won a game for eight years that has been screened exclusively live on ITV.

Since the 4-1 win over the Netherlands in Euro 96, England have been beaten by Romania and Argentina in the 1998 World Cup, by Portugal in Euro 2000 and by France at the weekend.

The only blot on the BBC’s copybook during the same timeframe is the last-minute defeat by Romania in Euro 2000.

However, if England do manage to overcome all three obstacles, there is a real treat in store for one Star reader who can win a dream trip to Portugal to watch the vital Croatia game.

Not only that, but the winner’s travel companions will be two Star “sizzlers”.

Great news – after all what could be better than watching a football match in the company of two people who haven’t a clue what’s going on.

But, although Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh are promoting the competition, we cannot say if they will be the two “sizzlers” who will accompany the lucky winner.

In fact, we rather doubt if the Star will let its two prized assets go.

One look at the udders on Lucy and she might find herself being handed over to a Swiss player as a traditional sporting gift…’

Posted: 17th, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink