Spoon It Like Beckham

‘WE all witnessed the minor earth tremor that took place in Lisbon at the very moment David Beckham ran up to take his vital penalty against Portugal in the Euro 2004 quarter-final.

Storm in a tea cup

We were amazed that under such conditions Goldenballs managed even to make contact with the ball, let alone get it so close to the goal.

But now it turns out that the England captain was battling against more than just a few rogue tectonic plates.

Uri Geller, friend of Michael Jackson and enemy of cutlery everywhere, tells the Sun that he is to blame for the miss.

The co-chairman of Exeter City (relegated out of the football league under Geller’s guidance) admitted that he had sent out wonky telepathic vibes by mistake.

“I’m not a miracle worker,” he tells the paper (modestly overlooking his central role in The Miracle Of The Bended Fork).

“But I do believe in the power of consciousness. I was trying to send positive energy.”

But before you dismiss Geller as a complete charlatan, consider that perhaps he created too much positive energy, causing the minor earthquake that caused Becks to spoon the ball over the bar…

Knife one, Uri, you stupid forker…’

Posted: 29th, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink