Anorak News | Smack ‘n’ Tickle

Smack ‘n’ Tickle

by | 7th, July 2004

‘IT’S in pretty poor taste that, in light of the Government’s purge on smacking, the Sun should produce a page entitled: ‘HOW TO SMACK YOUR CHILDREN.’

‘What about spanking?’

Surely the paper means to tell us how ‘NOT’ to smack your children. But, amazingly, we are wrong and the story bears out the original headline.

With help from Allan and David Spicer of the British Association For The Study Of Child Abuse And Neglect, the Sun’s readers are treated to a master-class in the right way to smack your child, and, we suppose, anyone else’s child on whom you want to try out these new moves.

We should all take note. Especially the likes of TV broadcaster Janet Ellis and radio presenter Jenni Murray who line up to tell the Mail why they have smacked their children.

‘So do they really deserve to be made criminals?’ asks the Mail alongside their case notes.

In short, we say that they do. Ellis, Murray and their ilk should be hung upside down by their ankles and have tomatoes (big, green, ripe hard ones) thrown at them by good people opposed to violence.

But what about the rest of us?

Well, according to the Spicer boys, you can slap the back of the child’s hand. Alan says you can do this and ‘nobody will prosecute’. David concurs – but, if it does cause ‘bruising or redness’, you could be in trouble.

You can also smack the child’s bottom. This is acceptable – indeed, in some public schools, it’s even deemed to be enjoyable.

However, to be safe, you should use your hand and not a baseball bat or jumbo-sized false hands of the type once favoured by Kenny Everett.

You cannot slap the back of the child’s head, pull an ear or punch them – all things considered to be inappropriate by Allan and David.

Engaging in discipline considered to be too violent could lead to a date in court and a criminal conviction – oh, and a nasty swelling over your eye when the little sod smashes you in the face with a brick…’

Posted: 7th, July 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink