Anorak News | Dirty Old Man

Dirty Old Man

by | 17th, July 2004

‘EASTENDERS has had some unbelievable storylines recently: Sharon and Dennis, the great inflatable dragon disaster, the entire Ferreira family… But nothing comes close to the horror that is ‘Dirty’ Den and his harem.

Fags for the memories

Somehow, we’re expected to accept an aging pervert who resembles a sun-dried raisin as some sort of sex god who young, attractive women can’t live without. “You love it,” he told Kate, fondling the loose change in his pocket in that slightly disturbing way he has.

Kate has been having second thoughts about their affair (only second?) and was thinking of ending it. Den promised Kate that as soon as the money was through for the sale of their flat in Spain, he’d leave Chrissie. As a sweetener he bought Kate a necklace – of the market, naturally. But would you believe it? Chrissie ended up finding it.

Den, as usual, managed to slime his way out of trouble by pretending that Ian had asked him to buy the necklace for Kate as the wheelchair-bound chip shop owner couldn’t get to the shops.

Chrissie, being as woolly-headed as her hideous perm would suggest (is that Roly on her head), believed every word. “Oh Den,” she simpered, “you’re the best husband in the world.” Compared to Henry VIII, possibly.

Ian was delighted when Den presented him with a necklace to give to Kate, as he’s been trying to woo her for ages. Ian’s decided to play on the fact he’s in a wheelchair to blackmail Kate into looking after him. Luckily for her, so far he hasn’t asked her for a bed bath yet though.

Ian’s new employee, Jane, has discovered that Ian isn’t quite as wheelchair bound as he’d been letting people believe when she caught him walking around the caff.

In another gripping Eastenders storyline, Jane had changed the caff’s sausage delivery firm and Ian wasn’t happy. “If it’s one fink I know, it’s sausages,” Ian shouted. Well, he said it. Jane left the caff to set up a sausage taste test (don’t ask) and while she was away, a chip pan caught fire. Ian leapt out of his wheelchair to put it out and Jane caught him red-handed.

Someone with real health worries though is Dot. Obviously a woman who’s husband abused her, a son who tried to kill her and a grandson who was murdered clearly hasn’t suffered enough in Walford; she’s now set to develop cancer. To be fair, she must single-handedly keep the tobacco companies of Europe in business but it seems a bit harsh – for her and viewers.

Especially when there are far more worthy characters we’d like to see suffering or preferably dead.’

Posted: 17th, July 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink